Picking up where I left off with my OkCupid story...
Texting back and forth with both B and J was really nice...at first. Within a few hours, especially with B, I was promptly reminded of why online dating isn't all it's cracked up to be.
I had gone to bed at a reasonable time that night, around 10 or so, and B and I agreed that we enjoyed talking to each other and that we would like to continue talking the next day. In the morning, things were amiss pretty much from the very fist text message. B was upset that I didn't text him first thing to tell him good morning. Well, me being the way I am, I offered an apology of sorts and then continued taking care if whatever I needed to do. I can get quite busy during the day with work and running the kiddo to school...
With B being a parent, I thought he would be understanding to the chaos that can be daily life, but he was insistant on vying for my almost constant attention and being harshly passive aggressive if he didn't receive it. I really didn't understand this behavior at all. Remember, I'd 'known' the guy for less than 24 hours. I found it all very off-putting...it certainly didn't help that he was beginning to remind me of an ex or two....
It all culminated that evening. I was at home with the kiddo, getting him read for bed. His bedtime routine was a bit longer than usual, his allergies have been in full swing and the poor thing wasn't feeling well. B sends me multiple texts asking me to call him (I hadn't actually talked to him on the phone at all). I explained that I could call later, I was putting my kiddo to bed and he wasn't feeling well. At that point, I left my phone in the living room until my son went to bed. When I picked my phone up again, I had several nasty messages from B!
He had decided that I was being deceptive and using my sick child as an excuse to 'cruise a dating site.' Ummm ...what?!?
I took this as a cue, and promptly deleted messages, blocked phone numbers, and disabled my profile. Guys, there's still waaaayyyy too much crazy out there to make online dating worth it!
But, I did take the opportunity to think about why I had even want to create a profile on a site like that in the first place? (I've had less than pleasant experiences with that sort of thing before...)
I think a big portion of the reason is because it's easy. I mean, you don't even have to put on pants to log into a website! And, given the nature of the site, you can be pretty sure that the majority of the people you might interact with are there for the same reason as you, to meet someone. This is both good and bad: it takes out the guess work as far as trying to figure out if a stranger is in the market for meeting dating prospects, but the computer provides a veil between you and everyone you meet, preventing you from seeing glaring red flags that you'd pick up on immediately if you'd met that person in real life.
I also did some self-reflection on my brief fling with OkCupid. What was I seeking by signing up for that web junk?
I can say with certainty that I wasn't looking for a new boyfriend. Otherwise, I'd have completely filled in all of my personal information. What I was looking for was company.
It's been quite a while since I've been truly 'single.' And typically, even if I wasn't with someone, I had a guy or two that I was dating in the meantime. But, that's not the case now, not at all. Given the tumultuous nature of this summer, I really haven't put myself in a position to meet anyone new. I've been determined to go about this new chapter of my life different that I would have before, and I've been working on changing aspects of my life and patterns of thought so that I can be happy with myself and not seek others to fill that void.
Most days are fine. I'm too busy with work, the kiddo, appraisal education, fighting insurance companies, and searching for a new car to even worry about adding a new boyfriend to my life. Besides, dating someone would seriously cut into my anime watching time!
But there are times when I miss simply having someone to talk to. Yes, I've got some friends that I'm sure would be more than willing to talk to me if I gave them a call, but that's not quite what I'm talking about. It's that connection, that knowledge that someone is concerned about how you are, someone wants to hear from you just as badly as you want to hear from them, that warm, fuzzy feeling of knowing there's mutual 'like' in a conversation. That's what I've been missing and what I was looking for by starting up another profile.
But, thanks to crazy B and his red flags, I was reminded that online dating isn't the way I need to go about finding that. Not if I want it to be a genuine, organic, development of a relationship. I was also reminded that I'm simply not ready for all of that yet. I've got some more 'me' stuff to take care of first, and I need my focus to stay on myself and my kiddo rather than on finding someone to fulfil the role of boyfriend. So, I've decided to spend some time this weekend really thinking about my daily life and what I can improve, and start implementing changes as early as Monday.
Guys, I'm 29. Have been for a little over a week now, and I know the ominous 30 will be here before I know it. If I'm not happy with something, and it's within my control to alter it, I've got to do so! Nothing is going to change simply because I'd like it to. Real change requires, time, commitment, energy, and effort.
My new goal is to make some significant, palpable changes in my life, for the better, by my next birthday. I want to start the next decade chapter of my life on a much better note that my previous one, and I know it's up to me to do so!
Oh yeah, what about J?
Umm, I'm still trying to figure out how to nicely tell him that I am not interested in dating anyone. I considered just blocking his number, which would be the easiest option for me, but then I can't help but empathize. That would be a lot like what Mr. T had done to me (much, much watered down though) and if would also be cowardly and rude.
So, I need some help! What should I say to this seemingly nice guy? Help guys?!?
No comments:
Post a Comment