Bible Studies and Benadryl...

Hey guys...hope you've been having a great weekend...

After a fairly rocky start, my weekend has surprisingly taken a turn for the better!

This morning, I decided that I would join a bible study group. My parent's church has held a few of them over the last couple of years, I've always been invited but never joined one. This Sunday marked the beginning of a study on the book of Daniel...again, I was invited...and this time I didn't have a good reason to decline the invitation. [Though, I'll admit that I probably could have made it to previous studies...instead, I let myself make excuses. /sigh yeah...]

If I'm being completely honest, I really didn't want to go to this one either. Mentally, a ran through the gamut of 'reason' to stay home: I was too tired, I need to take care of stuff around my apartment, I don't have anything to wear, I don't think those people actually like me, etc...

But...I managed to find a decent-looking outfit, got ready to go on time, and, quite frankly, couldn't come up with a viable reason to not go. 

One of my favorite gifs ever!

You know what?

I'm glad that I went. Very glad.

I'm hoping that shaking up my routine a bit will help get me out of the rut that I feel like I've been stuck in for so long. 

In addition to starting the bible study, I've decided that I need to put more effort into positive thinking. I feel as if I'm doing better at it [especially when I consider about 6 months ago], but I know that I can be very quick to fixate on the negative. /shrug Old habits die hard...but I think that's alright, just as long as they die...

Oh! I learned something new today...

I learned that my kiddo is allergic to dogs. [Well...I am 99.999% certain he's allergic to dogs]

This afternoon, we went by to hang out with my buddy Mr. C...Mr. C said he was putting together a new desk and asked if we could come and keep him company. Now, Mr. C has two indoor dogs...the kiddo and I have been over there several times, and never really had any problems, allergy wise. Not today, though...

After about 15 minutes, my kiddo was sneezing up a storm and I could hear that he'd developed that lovely little wheeze sound...you know, that little sound that indicates that you're about to have a harder time breathing than you'd probably like. 

At this point, I still didn't think that the sneezing was anything to be concerned about [I've got an allergy to cats, myself...I'm no stranger to the sneeze-fest]...but then my kiddo turned around to face me and his eye was all nice, puffy, and painfully swollen.

Hilarious in the movie, not so much IRL...

Yep. It was a complete and total Hitch moment.

I immediately took the kiddo to the nearest grocery store and got him some Benadryl. Luckily, the allergic reaction subsided fairly quickly...but I guess I need to remember to add 'dogs' to the list of potential allergies...aaaaand I definitely need to take the kiddo to see an allergist this year....Yep.

Old Resolutions For The New Year...

In spite of my complete loathing of 'new year's resolutions,' I found myself mentally making a few yesterday...though, to be fair, they aren't exactly new resolutions...more like goals that I've been wanting to work towards for quite some time and  I've decided to actively pursue.

1. I plan to spend less money.

I spend a lot of money on unnecessary things. Way too much. I know that in previous posts I'd complained about not having enough income...realistically, my income won't increase enough to magically fix all of my financial woes...so I need to do what I can to make the best of what I've got and to also work towards improving things for the future. [Unless someone would like to slide a winning lottery ticket my way...I'd be alright with that]

2. I plan to work on improving my health.

What does this mean exactly? Becoming more physically active? Improving my diet and eating less junk food? Finding some sort of outlet for stress relief? Yes. To all of it. I realize that my actual resolution statement is fairly vague...but I think it will work out better that way. I know that if I make it my goal to eat like a bird or do boot camp-esque workouts thrice daily, there's no way I'll stick to the resolution [nothing like the feeling of failure to make you really want to continue to make goals!]. If I keep the goal as more of a lifestyle change, then I'm less likely to feel like a total failure if I have an 'off' day. 

3. I plan on finding ways to not let the little things bother me.

I realize that a big portion of this has to do with my personality and temperament, but I am starting to see that this will only add to my already staggering stress levels. Sooooo, the extra stress needs to go.

4. I need to learn not to cling to people that aren't making an effort to stay in my life.

I know that sounds like a 'significant other/relationship' type of statement, but it's not. I'm more referring to friends and family. [Not meaning that I intend to push people away...] I realize that people change and as they change, so will friendships/relationships. I need to learn not to always take it personally. If someone acts as if they don't want to be around me, then I won't push it. I've learned the hard way that if someone wants to talk to you, they will [especially if you've already initiated conversation and have very obviously left the ball in their court]. There's no point in beating a dead horse. Even if it was your favorite horsey at one point. 

I'm still going to make the jar thingy, too...I'm planning on going to pick up the things to decorate it sometime today. I'll post to let you know how it's going...

Hope you have a good Friday!

Making the Shift from Passive to Active...

Lovely colors!

My family went down to beach over the weekend.

As much as I loathe going to beaches, I must admit that they can be quite beautiful...this is the view from our balcony...look at those blues and greens!

Artistic appreciation aside, I came to some important realizations over the weekend.

I realized that I need to assert a more active role in improving my life...

I realized that over the past few months, I've been quite passive about a lot of things. I've been ridiculously passive about trying to find a new car, I've been passive about getting my life and home more organized, and I've been passive about becoming happy.


Now, I'll say that I'm undoubtedly in a better place than a few months ago. I'm no longer wallowing in angst, self-loathing, and cynicism...but I'm not really trying very hard to keep those negative energies from affecting my daily life either.

By being passive, some facets of life have gotten better...sort of.

A few significant emotional wounds have reached that point where they are no longer painfully exposed and raw, but if I'm being honest with myself...they haven't actually gotten much better. Yeah, I'd reached a point where I'm no longer in gut-wrenching emotional turmoil over certain events [the break-up/engagement calling-off/moving-out of my ex, the whole fiasco with Mr. T, and so forth...] but those situations have improved as much as they're going to without any action on my part.

So, it's time for me to get off my butt and kick it into gear...nothing in life worth having comes easily, right?? [Or so I've read on Pinterest anyway...]

First step's first...

Loved this moon!

I did some long needed purging on my phone. I finally deleted some text messages and emails that I've been hanging on to for far too long! I deleted some phone numbers and some pictures and, let me tell you, it felt darn great!

I have no idea how I thought I'd be able to move on from painful, poisonous stuff from my past if I couldn't even move on from having it at my fingertips. I have a tendency to be an emotional pack rat...which can be very detrimental to closing chapters and moving on in life.../shrug better late than never, I suppose.

What's in store for tomorrow?

Not quite sure...I haven't got this whole re-vamp thing figured out quite yet, but I'm going to! I'm going to make positive changes for myself because, well, I deserve it, damn it!

Time...

Time stops for no one...

At times, the unstoppable passage of time can be our biggest enemy. In other situations, time can be our biggest ally...it all comes down to your individual perspective of the situation at hand.

Lifelong 'frenemy,' time, has brought another chapter of my life to a close. My little one finished up his last day of preschool yesterday...it's most definitely a bittersweet occasion. I'm without a doubt excited for my son as he starts kindergarten next week. New school, new experiences, new opportunities...he will take his first step into his new school next week, the beginning of a lifetime of learning. A part of me cannot wait for this new leg of our lives to get started.

What will his teacher be like?
What will his classmates be like?
What kind of student will he be?
Did I choose the right school?

And then, of course, my thoughts can't help but turn to myself and the myriad of changes that are also going to occur in my own life as a result of him starting kindergarten. For the most part, I am overjoyed and welcome these changes. Finally, I'll get the opportunity to meet new people. Finally, I will get the chance to start working more and more independently. Finally, I will get started on my 'adult life' and no longer be stuck in an endless rut of feeling like I'm going nowhere.

Yet, despite all of these excited changes, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness when I picked up my little guy from his preschool yesterday. This was it. The last time I would ever drive to that familiar building to pick him up. The last time I would go to his cubby and pick up his things. Never again will I open that classroom door and see his beaming face as he exclaims, "Mommy!" and runs into my arms with the worlds most perfect hug and kiss. Gosh...I hope this keyboard is waterproof :(

So it begins. My baby boy is growing up, just like he has been all along. I'd better be careful, one day I'll take too long to blink and a young man will be standing where my kindergartner is supposed to be. Time certainly has a was of sneaking up on you when you least expect that it will.

But I will do my best to accept all the inevitable changes with as much optimism, patience, and grace as I can. What better opportunity would there be to close all of doors to painful things of the past?

Now, more than ever, I need to be an example for my son. I need to show him what it's like to be a responsible adult, a dutiful follower of Christ, and a loving and caring person. I have to prepare him for the road that lay before him and the hardships and joys along the way. Even more challenging, I have this daunting, herculean task meant for two people, and I'm facing it by myself. Failing or faltering is not an option, my son's growth and development as a person is what's at stake. To be honest, the gravity of the situation is overwhelming at times and I feel the crushing pressure trying it's best to break me down...and sometimes it does. Sometimes, I feel like all I can do is sit and cry about how unfair things can be.

And I think it's alright to cry sometimes. It's good to embrace those feelings, otherwise they'll always be there lurking beneath the smiling surface awaiting their break free and wreak havoc in the most destructive of ways. I know that I need to have faith that there is a divine plan with good things in store for both myself and my son.

That being said, I know that I have some loose ends to tie up and some doors to close. I intend to put an end to hurtful, toxic habits that could jeopardize a happy future for my little family, the first of which is Facebook.

I know that there are plenty of positive, constructive ways that the social networking site can be used, but I think you'd agree that there are just as many of the opposite. So many people become so enthralled in this virtual world, that their actual lives suffer as a result. There was an article that I stumbled on the other day that stated that Facebook was among a growing list of causes of divorce. Facebook. It's just a silly website you guys! People are becoming so dependent on this virtual world that we've created in the last decade or so, it's scary. I've done it before, and although it is hard at first, deleting a Facebook account is one of the most freeing actions a person can take. You'll be amazed, and likely ashamed, when you realize how much time you actually spend on those sorts of sites...precious time that was used to stare at a computer screen or smartphone rather than things that are truly worth your time...like watching your children grow.

I don't know exactly when, but I will deactivate my account sometime before Monday. I will continue to write posts for this blog, and anyone who would like to read it might want to save a shortcut to my blog as I will no longer have a Facebook wall to post up my new blog entries. Most people that I personally know already have my phone number or email address, but if you need either, let me know!