Time...

Time stops for no one...

At times, the unstoppable passage of time can be our biggest enemy. In other situations, time can be our biggest ally...it all comes down to your individual perspective of the situation at hand.

Lifelong 'frenemy,' time, has brought another chapter of my life to a close. My little one finished up his last day of preschool yesterday...it's most definitely a bittersweet occasion. I'm without a doubt excited for my son as he starts kindergarten next week. New school, new experiences, new opportunities...he will take his first step into his new school next week, the beginning of a lifetime of learning. A part of me cannot wait for this new leg of our lives to get started.

What will his teacher be like?
What will his classmates be like?
What kind of student will he be?
Did I choose the right school?

And then, of course, my thoughts can't help but turn to myself and the myriad of changes that are also going to occur in my own life as a result of him starting kindergarten. For the most part, I am overjoyed and welcome these changes. Finally, I'll get the opportunity to meet new people. Finally, I will get the chance to start working more and more independently. Finally, I will get started on my 'adult life' and no longer be stuck in an endless rut of feeling like I'm going nowhere.

Yet, despite all of these excited changes, I couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness when I picked up my little guy from his preschool yesterday. This was it. The last time I would ever drive to that familiar building to pick him up. The last time I would go to his cubby and pick up his things. Never again will I open that classroom door and see his beaming face as he exclaims, "Mommy!" and runs into my arms with the worlds most perfect hug and kiss. Gosh...I hope this keyboard is waterproof :(

So it begins. My baby boy is growing up, just like he has been all along. I'd better be careful, one day I'll take too long to blink and a young man will be standing where my kindergartner is supposed to be. Time certainly has a was of sneaking up on you when you least expect that it will.

But I will do my best to accept all the inevitable changes with as much optimism, patience, and grace as I can. What better opportunity would there be to close all of doors to painful things of the past?

Now, more than ever, I need to be an example for my son. I need to show him what it's like to be a responsible adult, a dutiful follower of Christ, and a loving and caring person. I have to prepare him for the road that lay before him and the hardships and joys along the way. Even more challenging, I have this daunting, herculean task meant for two people, and I'm facing it by myself. Failing or faltering is not an option, my son's growth and development as a person is what's at stake. To be honest, the gravity of the situation is overwhelming at times and I feel the crushing pressure trying it's best to break me down...and sometimes it does. Sometimes, I feel like all I can do is sit and cry about how unfair things can be.

And I think it's alright to cry sometimes. It's good to embrace those feelings, otherwise they'll always be there lurking beneath the smiling surface awaiting their break free and wreak havoc in the most destructive of ways. I know that I need to have faith that there is a divine plan with good things in store for both myself and my son.

That being said, I know that I have some loose ends to tie up and some doors to close. I intend to put an end to hurtful, toxic habits that could jeopardize a happy future for my little family, the first of which is Facebook.

I know that there are plenty of positive, constructive ways that the social networking site can be used, but I think you'd agree that there are just as many of the opposite. So many people become so enthralled in this virtual world, that their actual lives suffer as a result. There was an article that I stumbled on the other day that stated that Facebook was among a growing list of causes of divorce. Facebook. It's just a silly website you guys! People are becoming so dependent on this virtual world that we've created in the last decade or so, it's scary. I've done it before, and although it is hard at first, deleting a Facebook account is one of the most freeing actions a person can take. You'll be amazed, and likely ashamed, when you realize how much time you actually spend on those sorts of sites...precious time that was used to stare at a computer screen or smartphone rather than things that are truly worth your time...like watching your children grow.

I don't know exactly when, but I will deactivate my account sometime before Monday. I will continue to write posts for this blog, and anyone who would like to read it might want to save a shortcut to my blog as I will no longer have a Facebook wall to post up my new blog entries. Most people that I personally know already have my phone number or email address, but if you need either, let me know!

'F' is for Fridays, Feelings, and Fjords...

So, I've been struggling to resist the urge to turn this blog into an online (and public) diary. I apologize in advance for this entry, but I think that at least a tiny bit of venting is a necessary evil. Otherwise, I'll just sit an stew in this mental mess for...probably the rest of time.

To enhance your reading experience, I offer this video to play in the background; a soundtrack, if you will:

This is "Sadness and Sorrow" from the Nartuo soundtrack. Every time there is a ridiculously heart-wrenching back story, someone pouring their heart out, or a sad/melancholy moment in general, this song is playing in the background. I know I've been watching too much anime when my internal monologues share the same soundtrack as the show I'm watching! Also, I think the girl in the video is a pretty awesome violinist! She's got a whole mess of videos on her YouTube channel, I highly recommend checking her out.

(I learned that the pictures that I post in my entries get big enough to actually read if you click on them, so pardon the ridiculously small text here...promise it's readable! Click on it!) 

It's no secret that I've got the tendency to be a overwhelmingly sensitive person, especially when it comes to the select few people that I actually let "in" to my life. So if you realize that you're one of these people, please tread lightly...despite my tough-girl demeanor, I'm actually quite warm and fuzzy on the inside. (But that's not to be spread around, okay? I've got a reputation to maintain...)

I know I post a lot of MBTI stuff, especially INFJ things, but I really feel like this particular statements sums up a particular struggle of mine quite nicely. 

Generally speaking, treat people nicely. People are not disposable objects. 

This harkens back to the title of my blog. I think a big portion of my disappointments with people/things are because I expect too much. I need to continue to work on remembering that the majority of people I encounter are not and will not be "like me." The things that I find distressing/important/silly are not going to be the same for other people. I need to remind myself of this whenever I feel as if someone is being intentionally mean or thoughtless...maybe the problem isn't actually what I think the problem is...maybe, it's my thoughts about the 'problem.' (See? Incorporating the bit of advice from the wonderful Captain Jack Sparrow that was mentioned in a previous entry!)

*I pity the fool who thinks his real name is "Mr. T"

This one is unfortunately rather specific, and I sincerely apologize for feeling the need to post it here. I'm hoping that by getting it out here, I won't harbor negative feelings (which has been my less-than-ideal way of coping with painful situations. Bury it down deep enough and the nasty feelings will eventually go away, right?). If you read this, you probably know who I'm referring to. But if you don't, let's just call this person 'Mr. T.'* 

This is very, very true! I don't have as much of a handle on this concept as I liked to think that I do...working on it though, and I get better at it everyday. 

Screenshot of my results from the Buzzfeed quiz "How Dateable Are You Actually?"...

found it to be rather amusing and thought I'd share it here rather than on my Facebook page. (I leave the Facebook postings for superhero/gaming awesomeness...I'll post all the stuff about warm, squishy feelings here instead!)

Posting this just because science humor is the best!

And finally, this puppy. Isn't he just the cutest thing ever?!?

Hope you all have the most fantastic of Fridays, thank you for enduring my feeling-bearing blog post. I promise to keep these to a minimum! 

Texting, Don't Do It...

So...I have the distinguished honor of being renowned as a fairly awkward person. Normally, it's rather funny and the only person that experiences discomfort is myself. Want examples? You could ask just about anyone that I worked with at BioLife and I'm sure they could easily give you half a dozen examples. At one point, a special "Most Awkward" label was made for my name tag. Good times, good times...

But anyway, if you think being awkward in person isn't bad enough, try being someone that has awkward tendencies and then being nervous on top of that. And then take it one step farther and throw texting into the mix...word of advice? Just no. Just don't do it.

Where is this random nugget of golden advice coming from? Experience. True story.

I also think this might be a good point to interject the commonly known definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and continuing to expect a different outcome.

I realize that this post is probably pointless for most people that will read it, but I hope that you'll overlook it and indulge me my mini-venting post for it is sorely needed.

The past few months have been a purely chaotic roller coaster for so many different aspects of my daily life...if it were to be made into a movie, I think even Tim Burton would feel like I've been through a bit much. (Probably a terrible example, but it's the best I could come up with at the moment...)

But, the good news, if there is any to be found, is that through it all I heave managed to learn a thing or two.
1) people are not mind readers. If there is something that you want someone else to know, short of hiring sky writers to do it for you, there's virtually no way to get around telling them. It might suck, it might be embarrassing, but could it really be worse than having to live with that whole "what if" thought process? Sometimes the answer is yes! Sometimes it would actually be a better choice to lick a New York City sidewalk than to put your feelings out there for someone to do with as they please. But the only way to find out for sure is to say it. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and then just do it. And really, really try not to throw up on whomever it is you're speaking to
2) people cannot be analyzed. This was actually a point that my brother brought to my attention. Maybe it's because of my scientific thought processes that I thought it would only be logical to look at people with that same sort of processing. I foolishly thought that if you take someone and observe their behaviors, that you could more or less reason what their next action might be. Even more foolishly, I thought it would be possible to take someone's behaviors and analyze them to determine what their thoughts and motives were. Now, these things are to some extent possible, but how accurate could any guesses or assumptions actually be? My brother reminded me that people are actually very poor subjects for this sort of analysis because, at the end of the day, people are simply going to do what they want to do, and a lot of the times there doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to their actions. At least none that an outside observer could discern. Seems like that pesky free-will stuff always interferes.
3) I learned that it truly is up to myself to react to a situation in whatever manner I choose to react. I was going to include a picture here, but I'm posting from my iPad and I'm not really sure how to post pictures. The picture is a quote from everyone's favorite pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow. "The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?" How stupidly profound is that?? And I know this is common sense, but sometimes I can become so wrapped up in whatever the current problem is that I simpler cannot see the forest for all the trees.

So I've made the decision to continue to strive to make positive improvements in my life. One of which will be to try my best to objectively look at hardships and make the conscious decision to have control over my attitude.

But don't you guys worry, I fully intend to maintain my awesomely sarcastic sense of humor and will most likely continue to be entertainingly awkward...but hopefully I'll be less Eeyore and more Tigger.

But seriously, next time you see me or talk to me, get me to tell you my "moves like Jagger" story. Hilarious.