What's Your Favorite Collective Noun?

Yet another socially awkward misadventure...brought to you by yours truly...

Yesterday afternoon, the kiddo and I went to go pick up a few groceries and things for the upcoming week. After putting everything that we bought into the trunk of the car, I walked my shopping cart towards the cart corral. As I got closer to the corral, I noticed that some ladies were getting out of the car that was parked nearby...one of the ladies saw that I was going to drop off my shopping cart and then asked if she could have it. Of course, I didn't mind giving her the shopping cart, so I politely said, "Sure!" and started pushing the cart in her direction.

Good Idea!

When I was about halfway there, the lady turned around [back towards her car] and commented to her friend about the loud crows that we hanging out in a nearby tree...now, thanks to my habitual politeness, I thought to myself, "Hey! She's right, the crows are awfully loud, aren't they? When I give her the car, I should comment on her crow comment...if I comment, it will validate her observation and act as a compliment of sorts...yes? It would be a good thing. Definitely a good thing. Okay, that settles it. When I give her the cart, I must comment on her comment."

/chuckle

Well...what actually happened was a little bit different that what I'd thought would happen...

So, I'm walking my cart to the lady and as soon as I get within earshot, I start with my carefully thought out comment.

Ready for this?

I smile at the lady and I say, "You know, you're right! It's quite the noisy murder over there!"

Yep. Those are the words that came out of my brilliant mouth. /Siiiiiigh

I attempt to speak to a stranger, and I use the word 'murder.'

You'd be surprised at how quickly someone can turn around and run from a situation if they feel as if they're in danger...that lady sure could move, though!

Now...here's where I get the chance to explain myself...

"Murder" is the proper collective noun to use when you're referring to a group of crows.

Why I chose that particular sentence to exploit the expanse of random, useless knowledge in my head? I have no idea...just part of the cringe-worthy awkwardness that is my everyday life.

So, there it is...I'm going to look into starting my hermit lifestyle now...

[*This event actually happened last weekend. I started writing this post on Monday, and I've just now finished it...yeah, my blogging commitment is starting to seriously decline...]

Social Awkwardness Strikes Again...

Know what's the worst? [Okay, maybe not the worst worst...but definitely sucks...]

What?  Oh. Yeah! I Totally knew
you didn't mean to call. Totally.

Looking down at your phone to see that you've got a missed call from a friend...getting a tiny bit excited because, well, phone calls from friends are far and few between...calling said friend back...and then realizing that they've butt-dialed you and they have no idea why you're calling them.

Yep. That's me...bringing you awkward moments since the mid-80's....you're welcome.

I've Got Terrible Neighbors...

So, I've had a rather eventful day!

This morning, the kiddo and I were on our way to his school, as usual...and I was greeted with a humorously dead car battery. The battery was so dead, the radio didn't even so much as flicker when I tried to start the car. [Remember, it isn't even my car!]

In a quasi-panic, I called up my sister and asked her if she could take my son to school [my sister is not really a morning person...not at all!] and then I called my parents to see what they suggested I do to remedy the situation.

My dad suggested that I try to jiggle around the cables on the battery, thinking that maybe one of the cables had lost contact with the battery...he even recommended using a hammer to 'improve contact' if necessary...all this was being said as my dad was putting on his shoes to come to my rescue. [My dad really is the awesomest!]

So there I was, in the parking lot in front of my apartment building...hood up on the car, wailing on the battery cable connection with a hammer, and trying to assure my kiddo that everything was fine and 'no, you don't have to stay home from school just because the 'car is sick.'...

Here's what bothered me:

The whole time this scene was playing out, there were people all around me! Right before the hammering of the battery cable connection started, a young couple parked their stupid beige Camry right next to my distressed car...the girl went inside to fetch her friends, and the guy stayed...right by his car, which was less than 5 feet from where I was futilely attempting to resuscitate the poor car's battery.

Not once did said d-bag guy offer to help. He never even asked if I might need some help! Instead, he kept his eyes trained on his stupid phone probably losing at candy crush.

When the soccermomcamrydriving girl came back with her friends in tow, not a single one of them offered help or gave me even so much as a glance of concern over my vehicular distress.

They weren't the only ones, either. There were at least 5 others who merrily [or grumpily] got into their cars this morning and didn't even bat an eyelash at me and my car troubles this morning.

What a shame! What's the matter with people? Since when is it alright to not help someone when they're visibly in need?

Ugh.

Anyway...my sister stepped up and helped in a huge way by taking my son to school and my dad brought jumper cables and brought the car back to life...all in all, the drama was relatively short lived. So, that's a bit of good news...

But seriously. I've got some a-hole neighbors, don't I?

RJ11 Cables...

Hey guys! Hope you've had a good weekend (and a long weekend, at that!).

I've been putting off writing a new post...was rather hoping that a brilliant topic would come to me, but that still hasn't happened yet! So, instead, I'll let you guys in on a little bit of computer stuff that I learned over the weekend.

Remember me mentioning my new computer a few posts back? Well, I decided to tackle the project of setting up my "home office" yesterday. Not a terribly huge task, but it involved moving my computer set-up from my bedroom to the living room.

I decided on a good spot to set up my work center and started moving computer pieces, but it wasn't until I started to move my router that I realized that it was going to take a bit of planning to actually do so. I get my cable and internet through AT&T U-Verse...I don't know if it's the same way for everyone that uses their services, but in order for my cable to work properly, the 'main' receiver must be directly connected to the modem. This is the point when I realized that, rather inconveniently, my new PC doesn't have built-in wireless capabilities. And that the only broadband outlet in my entire apartment is in my bedroom...

After placing my cable boxes in their new homes and testing them to make sure that they'd work properly after I'd rearranged wires and such, I realized that the modem would have to be in the living room in order to be connected to both my PC and the main cable receiver. No big deal, all I'd have to do is get a really long cable and run it from my broadband outlet to the modem...so, off to retail land I went to find said cable.

Here's where I learned something new...(well, sort of new). In the diagram, see the cable that has orange dots on it? That's the cable that runs from the outlet into the back of the modem/router, and it's a RJ11 cable...also known as a plain old phone cord.

Silly me, I didn't realize that the cable that goes from the outlet to the modem/router and the one that goes from the modem/router into the computer are not the same sort of cable! 

I really wish I had known this before I went and bought a ridiculously long cat5e cable (which would be fine for connecting the modem/router to a computer). I'd spent almost 2 hours running the wrong cable all around my living room, meticulously placing clips to securely hold the cable in place (rather than running the cable through the middle of my living room floor) and then discovered that the cable was pretty much useless.

At which point, I had to go back to the store, buy a dang phone cable, and correctly connect my modem/router to my broadband outlet. And now, there's a phone cable running across my living room floor...but my computer has internet access!!

So there you have it! Now, anyone have any tips for hiding a phone cord?

Look at me, I'm doing stuff!

I've got my first 'room mom' meeting this morning...in about an hour and a half, actually...and I'm freaking out, just a little bit...

It's not 'job interview' scary or 'medical school interview' scary, not by any means...but the idea of having to sit down and chit-chat with these ladies that I know nothing about.../sigh do I have to?

Might be time to break out
these sweet moves again!

Luckily for me, there are only going to be 5 of us...and I know I've at least seen two of these ladies. One of them I actually quite like...her daughter sits at the same table/group as my kiddo in class, we talked a little on 'meet the teacher' day. The other one that I know I'll recognize is the lady who I ran into at the fundraising dinner...you know, the one who got to experience my full-blown awkwardness first-hand?

So yeah...fun times ahead...soooo looking forward to it.

I know, I know...I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. Maybe these ladies are going to be awesome, and today will be the start of some epic new friendships.

/Sigh Oh well. I know I'm making way too big of a deal out of this...I'm sure everything will be just fine.

Right?

Social Klutzing...

So, last night, the kiddo and I went to that fundraising event that his school was hosting.

I thought they had lovely cups!

Overall, I thought that the place had decently good food. Everything was a touch overpriced, though. I'll say that they're chocolate cake certainly was delicious, but I can't think of any sort of cake that should warrant a $4.50/slice price.

As predicted, we ran into one of the kiddo's classmates and his parents. Also as predicted, I was nothing short of spectacularly awkward. /facepalm

I decided to be bold for a change and attempt to be outgoing when I introduced myself to the classmate's parents...the kiddo and I had just finished eating, so I decided to tell them something along the lines of, " Oh boy, you guys are in for a treat! We just ate, and let me tell you, the food was fantastic! Like, really, really good food! But, I don't know, have you guys ever eaten here before?"

At this point, the mother nodded and said that yes, they have eaten here before. Many times, in fact.

Awkward Distraction Dance!

And that's all it takes to throw a monkey wrench in the barely-functioning machine that is the part of my brain that fuels social interactions. Whether warranted or not, I start to internally panic. [These are the rather odd things that go on in the mind of someone with social anxiety!] 

I mumble something about it being great that they come here often, and then say that it was nice to meet them and awkwardly shuffle about to grab the kiddo and sprint to the safe haven that is my car...but of course, not before over-excitedly telling them that I was glad to meet them...at least three more times. Soooo much facepalm. 

Oh well. All that really matters is that the kiddo and I had a good time, we had good food that served towards a good cause, and now I know that my little one is making friends at his new school [which makes me one incredibly relieved and proud mama!].

Elsewhere in Gotham City...

My new computer was just delivered! Look forward to computer hi-jinx in upcoming posts! 

Texting, Don't Do It...

So...I have the distinguished honor of being renowned as a fairly awkward person. Normally, it's rather funny and the only person that experiences discomfort is myself. Want examples? You could ask just about anyone that I worked with at BioLife and I'm sure they could easily give you half a dozen examples. At one point, a special "Most Awkward" label was made for my name tag. Good times, good times...

But anyway, if you think being awkward in person isn't bad enough, try being someone that has awkward tendencies and then being nervous on top of that. And then take it one step farther and throw texting into the mix...word of advice? Just no. Just don't do it.

Where is this random nugget of golden advice coming from? Experience. True story.

I also think this might be a good point to interject the commonly known definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and continuing to expect a different outcome.

I realize that this post is probably pointless for most people that will read it, but I hope that you'll overlook it and indulge me my mini-venting post for it is sorely needed.

The past few months have been a purely chaotic roller coaster for so many different aspects of my daily life...if it were to be made into a movie, I think even Tim Burton would feel like I've been through a bit much. (Probably a terrible example, but it's the best I could come up with at the moment...)

But, the good news, if there is any to be found, is that through it all I heave managed to learn a thing or two.
1) people are not mind readers. If there is something that you want someone else to know, short of hiring sky writers to do it for you, there's virtually no way to get around telling them. It might suck, it might be embarrassing, but could it really be worse than having to live with that whole "what if" thought process? Sometimes the answer is yes! Sometimes it would actually be a better choice to lick a New York City sidewalk than to put your feelings out there for someone to do with as they please. But the only way to find out for sure is to say it. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and then just do it. And really, really try not to throw up on whomever it is you're speaking to
2) people cannot be analyzed. This was actually a point that my brother brought to my attention. Maybe it's because of my scientific thought processes that I thought it would only be logical to look at people with that same sort of processing. I foolishly thought that if you take someone and observe their behaviors, that you could more or less reason what their next action might be. Even more foolishly, I thought it would be possible to take someone's behaviors and analyze them to determine what their thoughts and motives were. Now, these things are to some extent possible, but how accurate could any guesses or assumptions actually be? My brother reminded me that people are actually very poor subjects for this sort of analysis because, at the end of the day, people are simply going to do what they want to do, and a lot of the times there doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to their actions. At least none that an outside observer could discern. Seems like that pesky free-will stuff always interferes.
3) I learned that it truly is up to myself to react to a situation in whatever manner I choose to react. I was going to include a picture here, but I'm posting from my iPad and I'm not really sure how to post pictures. The picture is a quote from everyone's favorite pirate, Captain Jack Sparrow. "The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?" How stupidly profound is that?? And I know this is common sense, but sometimes I can become so wrapped up in whatever the current problem is that I simpler cannot see the forest for all the trees.

So I've made the decision to continue to strive to make positive improvements in my life. One of which will be to try my best to objectively look at hardships and make the conscious decision to have control over my attitude.

But don't you guys worry, I fully intend to maintain my awesomely sarcastic sense of humor and will most likely continue to be entertainingly awkward...but hopefully I'll be less Eeyore and more Tigger.

But seriously, next time you see me or talk to me, get me to tell you my "moves like Jagger" story. Hilarious.